Those Three Words...

I didn't think I had time today to participate in Marriage Monday, but when I saw the topic, "What Makes a Marriage Christian, I thought, let me slow down, take a minute and think about this one".

As I was driving home this morning after dropping my son off at school, I had time to think about and reflect on this topic. The very first thing that came to mind was FORGIVENESS. Of all the many things that should set a Christian marriage apart from all others would be forbearance and forgiveness.

I have been so blessed and privileged to have so many wonderful examples of what a Christian marriage looks like. My precious mom taught me what patience and forgiveness really means. I also had two "spiritual moms" in the Lord who also taught me about the characteristics that should be a reflection of Christ and his bride, the church.

Personally, forgiveness has been something I have had to work on daily. God has blessed me with a wonderful, patient, (oh so very patient...) husband, and he seems to be able to offer forgiveness toward me in such a generous way each day. Now on the other hand, it is very easy for me to want to nurse my wounds and keep Rick reminded of his shortcomings.

A few years ago my precious friend Bunny Wilson, (the author of the wonderful book "Liberated Through Submission") gave me a challenge that changed the course of my marriage. The mission was learning to say three very painful, yet powerful, words. Now, to make things more difficult, I was challenged to say these words even when I felt I was offended or justified.

OK, I am sure you are wondering what those words were. Well, here they are…"I was wrong." Ouch. I tried to argue this theory with her, and justify many situations where those words were unnecessary, but it continually came back to me having to say them. Just the act of taking “an offense" for things that have been done to us is wrong, even when we may be right. That’s hard! However, I soon realized that I did not have any rights, except the right to offer the same kind of unmerited forgiveness Jesus offered to me. Well, I began using those words on a daily basis, and it began to change my life.

At first, it was very painful, but as the days and weeks went on, they just came out more naturally, and then my husband started catching on. We began to get into spats over who was really in the wrong! We both kept saying, “No, I was wrong”…”No, it was me - I was wrong”! Can you imagine trying to stay upset when the other person is trying to argue that they were really the one who was wrong?

God loves when we are obedient to His word, and the fruit from this is always so sweet. I cannot end this post without sharing the best guidelines I have ever found for marriage. It is recorded in the famous "love chapter" in I Corth. 13 and I love the way the Message Bible brings these words of Paul home:

The Way of Love


(1) If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. (2) If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing. (3-7) If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.



Love never gives up.

Love cares more for others than for self.

Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.

Love doesn't strut,

Doesn't have a swelled head,

Doesn't force itself on others,

Isn't always "me first,"

Doesn't fly off the handle,

Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,

Doesn't revel when others grovel,

Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,

Puts up with anything,

Trusts God always,

Always looks for the best,

Never looks back,

But keeps going to the end.


((I love you Rick!))


Thanks E-Mom for being yet another great spiritual mom and example for me. I learn so much each time I come go to your site, and especially when I participate on Marriage Monday, because it makes me stop and really think about what is important in my life. If any of you reading this today would like to see what others are sharing about Marriage you can go and visit Chrysalis.