A Work In Progress

On the last weekend in July my hubby and I will sneak away to Charleston, South Carolina to recharge and rekindle our romance as we celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary.

Yes, those flames are still burning after all these years, but let me warn you, it doesn’t just happen by itself. Marriage is a commitment that takes a great deal of work, dedication, and a whole lot of self-denial to keep passion alive.

I wish I could tell you these 30 years have been a joy-ride, or paint a picture of sheer splendor and delight, but the truth is marriage takes hard work and many times it is like an uphill climb.

Although I’ve been blessed with a man who’s love language is service, (and yes, I’m spoiled!) there are still other areas that we both lack in, and often fall short of the mark, especially me!

OK, can I be real with you today?

Because of an extremely dysfunctional childhood, (something I’ve been told would make a best selling novel or movie) I walked up the aisle 30 years ago on one hot August afternoon with a load of luggage. Now I don’t mean carrying an over-night bag, I’m talking about packing for a world cruise.

After exchanging our carefully written vows and a wonderful reception, the challenge began. I came into my marriage as an insecure young woman not only full of hopes and dreams, but many fears and insecurities. I needed Jesus’ healing balm in a desperate way. It took many years, lots of tears, and a good number of “intense fellowships” to come to a place of surrender and freedom.

Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate. ~Barnett R. Brickner


Now, I have not by any means, arrived…but

Today I’d like to share a few tips from the battleground; words that were spoken to me by my Titus 2 mentors. These were women who were tenacious, brave, and uncompromising as they spoke into my life. Many times just the weight of these words seemed unbearable and unfair. I wanted to say, “I quit”, when advice that seemed hard was offered, and I constantly questioned why these exhortations were always spoken to me and NOT my to my husband!

OK, who said things would be FAIR?

Here are a couple simple declarations I had to make too many times to count. I pray they will be helpful to you as you pursue a marriage that is both beautiful and a clear reflection of Christ and his bride. A marriage that is Christ centered.

The first assignment given to me one day after a long lunch was learning to say three simple little words. I must admit that I almost chocked on them at first. After all, this was rarely the case…right? At least I thought so.

♥ I was wrong…

Now, if there is anything that robs you of your rights, and causes you to wave a flag of surrender, it is these words. My instruction was to say them even when I if I thought I was right? Hmmm, could not figure that one out. But pride is stronghold that does not relent without total release.

You can never be happily married to another until you get a divorce from yourself. A successful marriage demands a certain death to self. ~Jerry McCant

My second three-word assignment was always be ready to say…

♥ Please forgive me or I forgive you

At first I thought that seemed simple enough. I can do this one; that was until I thought of all the justifications I had for my actions. After all, if my husband was doing what he was “supposed to be doing” I would not have reacted the way I did. Oh boy, I was a very slow learner.

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. ~Ruth Bell Graham

It’s been hard work, but oh, let me tell you the pay off is worth it in the end!

If the foundations of our marriages are truly built on solid ground, we can survive the storms, hurricanes and tsunamis that try to destroy our homes daily.

I realize that as I type this, there are many out there who have endured abuse, infidelity and many other painful situations that were not in their control. I’ve been a witness to this in my own family and with several very close friends. The fact still remains that there is always hope, and God is always ready to help those who truly desire to be able to stand by their commitments and have their marriage be testimony of the faithfulness of God.

Our wedding was many years ago, but the celebration continues to this day. ~Gene Perret

Please join us today over at Chrysalis to see what others have written about their marriage's today. E-mom has posted some pictures from her daughter's wedding. They are so beautiful! Let's celebrate with her today.