Monday, January 7, 2008

Marriage Monday

"Three Things My Daughter Must Know About Her Marital Needs."

Now, when I first saw this topic I thought, well, I don't have a daughter! However, after thinking about it, I thought, well, the Lord has brought many young women into my life, I have spiritual daughters as well as a daughter~ in~ law now. The Lord has also blessed me with 3 grand-daughters, so yes, one day before I know it, I’ll be offering advice to them. I thought, now what would I sit down and advise a young woman before she got married?

When I was growing up, my mother always loved the Lord, and I learned many things from her, but she never really understood the teachings of the Bible. So my mom could not really teach me "biblical wisdom", but she did give me practical advice that she had learned. Once I truly found Jesus and gave my heart to the Lord, I actually helped her find a true relationship with the Lord and walk in greater freedom and forgiveness before she was called home to heaven. Praise God for that awesome opportunity. She was such a great example for me.

But now I know the truth and have a better understanding of God's design for marriage these are 3 things I would want to share:

1).The first thing I would share with my daughter would be how important it was that she would find a man that shared the same faith, passion, and love for Jesus. I would show her the passage in I Corth. 7:1-5 – “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” And also in Amos 3:3 where the Word says – "Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?" God has a perfect mate picked out for you, but you must wait patiently for Jesus to bring you both together.

Oh, the hardship and pain I have witnessed over the years when I have seen a believer marry a non-believer and they think she will win him over after marriage! It can happen, but for the most part it is a long and painful experience.

2). The next thing I would share with her is how important it is to honor and respect her husband. Women have such a need to be loved, but in order to receive this she must be willing to look to meet her husbands needs as well. When we are dating, the fact that we honored and respected the guy actually caused them to be attracted to us. The result was a man who wanted to continue to please us in return. My husband has told me many times, "give what you need". Many times these words have fallen on fallow ground, but I've found it is so true, and I try very hard to practice this principal.

I love the way the Amplified bible explains this best in Eph. 5: 33 – “However, let each man of you, without exception, love his wife as being in a sense his very own self; and let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband, that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, loves him, and admires him exceedingly”.

Wow, can you imagine the results you will see in your mate if you will practice this advice from the Apostle Paul?

3). Finally, the third thing I would advise her would be to learn to practice forgiveness. Women love to keep records, times and dates, and we are so good at pulling out our lists as soon as we are offended or hurt. We love to say, “you always” do this …, “you always” do that… When we utter those kinds of words, what we are saying is you are not forgiven and you are still under my judgment. Truly in the end, we don't have a choice in this matter because the word instructs us in Matt. 11:25 "But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too."

We must be willing to let go of things. The enemy knows a house divided will not stand, and he wants more then ever for us to be divided. Unforgiveness will cause us to build walls around our hearts, and emotionally and spiritually separate ourselves from our spouse. There is so much power in unity. Marriage is a life long process of forgiving and being forgiven.

There are so many other things I would tell my daughter, like always pray for her husband, be a builder of her home, encourage him, and be swift to hear, and slow to speak – just to name a few. That is for another time and discussion.

In the end it is always better to give then receive. I know I've learned there is so much power when we work as a team, and it brings glory and honor to God as we submit to each other. I have a long way to go myself, but after 29 years of marriage, while practicing these principals, I can say my needs have always been meet and more. I am one blessed woman, who is still learning each day.

What are some things you would advise your daughter? Please come on over to Marriage Monday and see what other women are saying today. E-Mom posted a wonderful article packed with some great ideas on many things we need as a woman and how we can achieve them! You will be blessed greatly, I promise!


Anonymous said...

Great post, Susan! Thanks for taking the time to stop by and visit my little corner of the world! Blessings!

e-Mom said...

Wonderful wisdom Susan! Any wife would be well on the way to a successful marriage with your advice. BTW, it must have been such a privilege to bring your own mother into a deeper walk of faith. Alas, I tried but my mother was unresponsive to the Word. :~D

I fixed the corrupted Mister Linky code and I'll add this post for you. Thanks for joining us at Marriage Monday today!

{{{Big Hugs}}}

MiPa said...

This is beautiful Susan, thank you for sharing!

Anonymous said...

That is such an inspirational post. Thank you for posting that! I have only been married for 18 months and I need to be reminded daily to be a better wife to my husband.
Also, I have "carded" you so go to my blog to check it out.

Tami Boesiger said...

Ouch. Practice forgiveness. Sound advice, Susan. I especially like the point you make about leaving our marriage vulnerable to attack from Satan when we are unwilling to forgive. This will stick with me.

Jana said...

I love your points. Wonderful post! God bless you!

NYC said...

This is such great post for a single women like me! What I wrote about marriage doesn't even come close to this :) Thanks for the post!

Anonymous said...

Susan, your blog is beautiful. I love the song that you have playing. I had to take a moment and praise.

Thank you for your words of wisdom and grace. I enjoyed reading this very much.

Sheila said...

Straight from the heart of a mom! I love it! maybe not having that wise input into my life from my own earthly mom makes me just burst forth with praises when I read posts like this and others from the hearts of moms/wives who've chosen to take up their cross and follow Jesus as a wife. It's so inspiring and just makes me thrilled that you all are out there!

My favorite quote from your post was, "We must be willing to let go of things. The enemy knows a house divided will not stand, and he wants more then ever for us to be divided. Unforgiveness will cause us to build walls around our hearts, and emotionally and spiritually separate ourselves from our spouse. There is so much power in unity. Marriage is a life long process of forgiving and being forgiven."


Thank you so much!

Angela @ Refresh My Soul Blog said...

Great post-forgiveness is so important! Great truths to know.

Susan said...

Susan as you know I have six daughters and the one thing I am teaching my girls everyday is to respect their Dad. This is huge to a man just like you said. If I can teach them to respect their father they will be off to a great start when the Lord brings their husbands to them.

Faith said...

What wonderful words of wisdom! I really enjoyed this...

Faith @ The Great Adventure said...

I found your blog through a friend of a friend (I started out at "Refresh My Soul") but I love it already! :) Thank you for this post. Very wise words. I've only been married a year and a half so I still have a lot to learn! Especially about *how* to honor and respect him; so often I think I'm doing that and then find out that things are coming across differently than I intended! I like all the synonyms from the Amplified Bible that you included. :) Those help give me a better idea!